Omigod! Here they come again! The holi-daze. Every holiday provides a different reason to celebrate. Here’s our stoner’s guide to enjoying them all.
Reason to Celebrate: Giving thanks for our bounty
True Meaning: Buuurrrrp!
Common Smoking Locale: Mom and dad’s basement, attic or garage.
What to be Nervous About: Grandma smells something funny.
Overall Smokability: Great, as long as you have lots of eyewash and breath mints!
Reason to Celebrate: Son of God’s birthday
True Meaning: What did ya get me?
Common Smoking Locale: In your pajamas.
What to be Nervous About: Undercover Santa Claus
Overall Smokability: Ideal – especially if Santa stuffed your stocking with OG Kush!
NEW YEAR’S DAY
Reason to Celebrate: Another year passes by.
True Meaning: Another year – you pass out.
Common Smoking Locale: Elbow-to-elbow with screaming drunks.
What to be Nervous About: Someone puking in your stash.
Overall Smokability: Poor. Pot and booze is a waste of pot.
Reason to Celebrate: A lighthearted wish for an early spring.
True Meaning: Local news has nothing to report.
Common Smoking Locale: In front of your TV. It’s freezing outside!
What to be Nervous About: Your TV breaking in the dead of winter.
Overall Smokability: TV, winter, pot and a warm sweetheart – a perfect combination!
Reason to Celebrate: Love, love, love…
True Meaning: The possibility of mind-blowing, nonstop sex.
Common Smoking Locale: Wrapped in someone’s arms — or legs!
What to be Nervous About: That nagging itch that just won’t get away.
Overall Smokability: Everyone seeks ecstasy! Don’t miss out!
Reason to Celebrate: Hail to the chiefs!
True Meaning: Hail to a a three-day weekend!
Common Smoking Locale: How far can you travel in three days?
What to be Nervous About: Whoever the next president is.
Overall Smokability: George said it best: “Sow it everywhere!” Get yourself historically high!
Reason to Celebrate: To commemorate our fallen heroes.
True Meaning: Stupidity of world leaders.
Common Smoking Locale: In traffic.
What to be Nervous About: The draft comes back.
Overall Smokability: Take a big hit and consider yourself lucky.
Reason to Celebrate: To celebrate our nation’s birth.
True Meaning: Big barbecues inflate our nation’s girth.
Smoking Locale: Outdoors, watching explosions in the sky.
What to be Nervous About: “That’s not a bottle rocket, it’s a bong!”
Overall Smokability: Fireworks! Need we say more?
Reason to Celebrate: To honor our nation’s work force.
True Meaning: “I gotta get a better job…”
Common Smoking Locale: In your own funk. Summer’s over.
What to be Nervous About: Your new job.
Overall Smokability: Always beware of the back-to-work piss test.
Reason to Celebrate: Night of the living dead.
True Meaning: To fuck with someone’s head.
Common Smoking Locale: A sweaty costume in full horror makeup.
What to be Nervous About: You give someone a heart attack. It’s manslaughter!
Overall Smokability: Be sure you’re not the one getting fucked with!